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aznsilverstar712
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Name: Kelly
Birthday: 7/12/1990
Gender: Female
Interests: singing, graphic design, basketball, laughing and making others laugh, hanging with bus sto, remix girls, obsessing over star wars, wicked, hsm, classic disney movies
Expertise: wearing the heart on the sleeve <3
Occupation: Student
Industry: Other
Message: message me
AIM:  sing2thetop
Member Since:
9/20/2003
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| What will it take to make or break this hint of love?
We need time, only time
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| My summer at home has finally ended, and now I'm back at UCLA. It's day five of zero week, but somehow things aren't as fun as I anticipated. Because even on the fifth day back, things seem to have already slipped back into their old routine, and I don't want the old routine. I want new, awesome friends and I want to be a part of something and really be a part of it and I want to make a difference here. And right now, I'm so scared that it won't happen. That I won't be successful or make an impact. That I won't be known for anything. The downside of going to an exceptional school is that everyone who goes here is exceptional. So how do I be even more distinct when competing with so much talent?
Communication major? Average applicants' GPA's over 3.75. Acapella group? Taking 4 girls out of two hundred auditionees. President's office internship? I feel guilty just looking at the application questions... cause they reflect a search for someone amazingly passionate about the school. And I don't even know what I want to do here. And I don't even know my place here. And truthfully, I don't even know if I belong here.
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| Sometimes I have a hard time living in the present, and the future. I'm too nostalgic. Sometimes I wish I could go back and relive moments in the past, cause sometimes for me memories aren't enough. Moments so good that I wish I could live in them forever, and moments that I miss from time to time, and just want to revisit once more.
Like preparing for our sixth grade play, Macbeth. So random, but I miss that innocent excitement and feeling so important for those solo lines. Experiencing group union as we all rehearsed the songs together at recess just for fun.
I miss sophomore year Arizona jryba conference. We didn't know everyone, but it felt like we were all connected by our heritage somehow. And the people that we did get to know were so cool. Jam session in the stairway, creating random harmonies, for the first time, kicking it with people as passionate about singing as me.
And sometimes I wish I could go back to Presidential Classroom, because that was the first time I spent a week with complete strangers. Not only strangers, but from all parts of the country and of all ethnicities. I love the feeling of bonding with people you think you have nothing in common with, and how tight you get after spending 24/7 with them. It sucks that after that one week, we'll never see each other again. I wish we could choose the people we associate with everyday, handpick them out of all the different times in our lives.. I wish they didn't ever have to walk out of our lives permanently.
There are the small moments, like chilling in the hotel room at All State senior year, like singing Rent in the car with an assortment of Vocal Ensemble members, like corny impromptu dance parties with BUSSTO, like passing notes in Mrs. Harrington's class and playing basketball at recess, like camping with my cousin and pretending we were digimon, like presenting our tardy story to sixth period in junior year and making everyone laugh.
I miss the simple adrenaline rush of speaking to a guy that I liked, or the thrill I got when he hugged me/said something cute. How happy I felt when he asked me to a dance. It was amazing how that changed so radically in college, how you can make out with a guy, or even go further with him, and not feel anything. That's why I stopped. Because I miss that innocence, and because I need to feel something to know that I'm still alive. I guess it's the same with college parties. Sure, they're fun, and crazy, but when I look back to these "perfect moments" in my life, partying was never involved. I guess it's hard to say it was a perfect moment if you don't even remember what happened. And all the clubs, all the apartment parties and kickbacks seem to blend together after a while. I guess it's kind of surprising to think that I called these crazy nights "epic" when all along, it was these little moments that made me happiest.
So that's kind of why I wish I could go back to these times in the past... because I'm scared I won't have enough of them to experience in the future.
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| "osa osa to the ji! ma!"
i love my friends.
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| So this is actually a post from my brother's entry, about five years ago when he graduated high school... | | I woke up from my nap today very scared. I just felt a need to hang on to everything that I feel like I'm about to lose. It's so hard to sum up what high school was, I was in the process of making a "High School Hits" cd until I realized how many songs reminded me of high school, and how many more I don't remember or are somewhere in the back of my mind. It seems like all these jokes, all these memories, all these experiences build up upon themselves and the moment that encompasses all of these things is our graduation. But what happens after? After we all have to reconstruct our lives and honestly I don't want to do it. I like my friends the way they are now. I guess all there is to do now is to try to savor every moment that we have left, before its gone. |
Honestly I am feeling exactly that way right about now... tomorrow is the last day of high school, and after that we can never turn back the clock, we'll never be at Esperanza again and have six classes a day and eat lunch with our high school friends and sing every first period and be with the kids that we've been with for so long. I know there are bigger and better things waiting out there, but achieving them means abandoning our old lives forever, and I'm not sure I'm ready to do that quite yet. | | |
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