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aznsilverstar712
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Name: Kelly
Birthday: 7/12/1990
Gender: Female
Interests: singing, graphic design, basketball, laughing and making others laugh, hanging with bus sto, remix girls, obsessing over star wars, wicked, hsm, classic disney movies
Expertise: wearing the heart on the sleeve <3
Occupation: Student
Industry: Other
Message: message me
AIM:  sing2thetop
Member Since:
9/20/2003
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| My summer at home has finally ended, and now I'm back at UCLA. It's day five of zero week, but somehow things aren't as fun as I anticipated. Because even on the fifth day back, things seem to have already slipped back into their old routine, and I don't want the old routine. I want new, awesome friends and I want to be a part of something and really be a part of it and I want to make a difference here. And right now, I'm so scared that it won't happen. That I won't be successful or make an impact. That I won't be known for anything. The downside of going to an exceptional school is that everyone who goes here is exceptional. So how do I be even more distinct when competing with so much talent?
Communication major? Average applicants' GPA's over 3.75. Second best Acapella group? Taking 4 girls out of a hundred auditionees. President's office internship? I feel guilty just looking at the application questions... cause they reflect a search for someone amazingly passionate about the school. And I don't even know what I want to do here. And I don't even know my place here. And truthfully, I don't even know if I belong here.
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| Sometimes I have a hard time living in the present, and the future. I'm too nostalgic. Sometimes I wish I could go back and relive moments in the past, cause sometimes for me memories aren't enough. Moments so good that I wish I could live in them forever, and moments that I miss from time to time, and just want to revisit once more.
Like preparing for our sixth grade play, Macbeth. So random, but I miss that innocent excitement and feeling so important for those solo lines. Experiencing group union as we all rehearsed the songs together at recess just for fun.
I miss sophomore year Arizona jryba conference. We didn't know everyone, but it felt like we were all connected by our heritage somehow. And the people that we did get to know were so cool. Jam session in the stairway, creating random harmonies, for the first time, kicking it with people as passionate about singing as me.
And sometimes I wish I could go back to Presidential Classroom, because that was the first time I spent a week with complete strangers. Not only strangers, but from all parts of the country and of all ethnicities. I love the feeling of bonding with people you think you have nothing in common with, and how tight you get after spending 24/7 with them. It sucks that after that one week, we'll never see each other again. I wish we could choose the people we associate with everyday, handpick them out of all the different times in our lives.. I wish they didn't ever have to walk out of our lives permanently.
There are the small moments, like chilling in the hotel room at All State senior year, like singing Rent in the car with an assortment of Vocal Ensemble members, like corny impromptu dance parties with BUSSTO, like passing notes in Mrs. Harrington's class and playing basketball at recess, like camping with my cousin and pretending we were digimon, like presenting our tardy story to sixth period in junior year and making everyone laugh.
I miss the simple adrenaline rush of speaking to a guy that I liked, or the thrill I got when he hugged me/said something cute. How happy I felt when he asked me to a dance. It was amazing how that changed so radically in college, how you can make out with a guy, or even go further with him, and not feel anything. That's why I stopped. Because I miss that innocence, and because I need to feel something to know that I'm still alive. I guess it's the same with college parties. Sure, they're fun, and crazy, but when I look back to these "perfect moments" in my life, partying was never involved. I guess it's hard to say it was a perfect moment if you don't even remember what happened. And all the clubs, all the apartment parties and kickbacks seem to blend together after a while. I guess it's kind of surprising to think that I called these crazy nights "epic" when all along, it was these little moments that made me happiest.
So that's kind of why I wish I could go back to these times in the past... because I'm scared I won't have enough of them to experience in the future.
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| "osa osa to the ji! ma!"
i love my friends.
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| I know I was really sad about leaving high school, but after orientation, man I am so ready and so pumped for UCLA. This summer has been a really weird transition period, not feeling like I belong at my old school and not feeling like I belong at my new school. But FINALLY i took a step out of that funky phase and ventured into the college life thing. And it was amazing. I think my biggest fear going into orientation was that I wouldn't fit in and wouldn't be cool enough for everyone else. But I met so many awesome people who actually thought I was funny and cool, it was so reassuring to know haha. A bunch of us bonded instantly and hung out in Room 531A, we're known as the room that always has the door open and has a million kids in it all the time. People we didn't even know dropped in to give us half-finished pizza and to crash at 4am when they were locked out of their dorm haha. We had a sleepover w. seven of us and got zero hours of sleep, which was pretty bad the next day on that longass tour. I LOVED how the norcal guys kept saying hella. highlights:
-barging into room 531A with my computer problems.. "hi i know i don't know any of you but please work my internet for me"
-shopping at urban with janel and bonding on the way back
-laughing really hard then spitting all over toan, which he was okay with because it was so hot outside
-being sad every 2 minutes because we wont see each other again then realizing that we're all going to the same school next year
-deciding to sleep in the elevator to see peoples reactions when were jus chilling there with our pillows and blankets, but no one ever came
-waking up in the morning and realizing that everyone else was so cold, they turned the thermostat to 99 degrees
-waking up in the morning and wondering who the girl that slept in our room was
-free redbull in westwood and spotting william hung
-our crazy nicknames... barbie, hoe, mexican, wonton, 64, ukraine
-realizing that hoe wasn't tyler
-sitting in 531B and looking at tyler and laughing so hard i had to go back to 531A
-531A on every bulletin board on the floor
-"i miss justin, he always laughs at my jokes" "i always laugh at your jokes!" "everyone always laughs at your jokes, kelly" EGO BOOST haha
-sex alcohol lecture.. eric warming my hands up and telling the applejuice story while we seriously considered being "uncomfortable" so we could go take a nap haha
it felt so much like a chill summer camp, so i forgot the nice fact that we are all going to the same school next year. it was so nice to remember that, you know? for once, finally, our paths aren't separating. we will be able to hang out come september and get even closer. i can't wait til the 20th :) | | |
| So this is actually a post from my brother's entry, about five years ago when he graduated high school... | | I woke up from my nap today very scared. I just felt a need to hang on to everything that I feel like I'm about to lose. It's so hard to sum up what high school was, I was in the process of making a "High School Hits" cd until I realized how many songs reminded me of high school, and how many more I don't remember or are somewhere in the back of my mind. It seems like all these jokes, all these memories, all these experiences build up upon themselves and the moment that encompasses all of these things is our graduation. But what happens after? After we all have to reconstruct our lives and honestly I don't want to do it. I like my friends the way they are now. I guess all there is to do now is to try to savor every moment that we have left, before its gone. |
Honestly I am feeling exactly that way right about now... tomorrow is the last day of high school, and after that we can never turn back the clock, we'll never be at Esperanza again and have six classes a day and eat lunch with our high school friends and sing every first period and be with the kids that we've been with for so long. I know there are bigger and better things waiting out there, but achieving them means abandoning our old lives forever, and I'm not sure I'm ready to do that quite yet. | | |
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